Updated: Feb 6
So…Where have I been for the last 5 months?
Hey everyone! I know it has been a very long time since I published a new post and/or done a live video, and I sincerely apologize!
As many of you know, this last 5 months have been very hard for all of us. But, for those of whom I am just meeting, I will explain to you where I have been and what is happening from here!
When it all started…
In all reality, it all started in December of 2017 when my oldest son’s very good friend and roommate suddenly passed away without any explanation of why. He was a happy, healthy, 23 year old Navy Corpsman whom we all adored. He had outpatient surgery on his shoulder a couple days prior to his passing, so they say he could have passed from complications due to surgery.
To this day there are still no concrete answers.
This was a tremendous loss for everyone. We had met Jordan many times and our entire family embraced him! He was funny, kind, had amazing manners, and lit up our home each time he came.
We were all crushed when we received the news that terrible day in December.
My son also adored him. When he realized what happened, he knew that he had to be there to help Jordan’s family. He had to do this for Jordan. At this point my son was named Jordan’s official escort from the Navy.
His whole purpose at this point forward, was to escort Jordan safely back to his final resting place at Arlington National Cemetery.
This is a incredibly honorable job, however, an incredibly tough one as well. Especially when you are only 23 years old and have lost one of your very best friends.
As a family that loved Jordan very much, we mourned his loss, we mourned for his family, and we mourned for our son. We knew how hard this problem would be for him….
Many tears were shed from all of us and many important lessons were learned along the way.
One important lesson I learned-during this crazy period of darkness, was that if you open your heart in such a time of sadness, you not only start healing but you can gain beautiful friendships. WE not only gained Jordan’s entire family into ours.
This is proof that beautiful things do grow from such terrible tragedies, you just have to be able to open your eyes wide enough to be able to see them and appreciate them!
The next couple of months went by with many tears shed, many sleepless nights, and many unanswered questions. However, we knew that we must move on to find happiness and continue to live our lives, but sometimes we would continue to get lost in grief.
2 months later….
As we had just started the long healing process, we were suddenly struck with another terrible tragedy. On March 13th I received another crippling phone call that I will never forget. My 18 year old nephew Dane, had been killed in a motorcycle accident not too far from my home.
Unless you have been through this type of tragedy, you would never be able to imagine the pain and suffering it causes. Nothing can prepare you for tragedies like this, you can only pray that something like this will never happen to you.
There really are no words to describe the pain and devastation that were left behind from that day. Dane was always right in the mix of my 4 kids. He had just turned 18, so he fit right in with my boys who range from 23, 21, 15, to 10. He was just part of our family since day one.
When my older brother and I got married and started having families, we knew that our kids would grow up very close together and spend as much time together as they could. We wanted them to be able to have those good times, and relationships that would take them throughout their adulthood, like we had.
I have been tremendously blessed to have an incredibly tight, close knit, loving family. From my parents, my brothers, aunts, uncles, to cousins. Our support system is huge, which is really what has kept us going throughout the last 11 years when my brother, who was 21, suddenly passed away.
Our plan had worked, our children were all so close and I loved them just like they were my own. I saw Dane almost every day. He would stop by to see what was going on, have some food, check on all of the boys, play some games or ride motorcycles. My 15 old son looked up to him so incredibly much. He was his best friend.
It was just our daily routine. He was part of the family. Always laughing, playing jokes on everyone, and adding character to my home.
That all changed that cold March day.
Our lives will never be the same…
We already had so many questions about life and God’s so-called plan, and this just added to the list. We had more questions, so much anger, distrust in life itself, and honestly our faith had been shattered.
Why must we suffer so much? We have lost countless, young family members and friends in our lives, from 14 to 23 years old. Why? How can this happen? What good could come from this?
Why do people, including myself, say “Everything happens for a reason.” Why were we being punished? We are a good, loving family that contributes to society, loves everyone, works hard,etc. We just had so many questions….
Everything after that day became a blur….
It was like a bomb was dropped on top of us, and we knew we had to be there to pick up the pieces of fragments and figure out where they were all supposed to go.
Basic survival functions had set in, and that is how life became for us. Daily survival. Sometimes by the minute, sometimes by the hour, it just depended on the day. But each day we survived…
I knew this feeling all too well. I had experienced so much loss over the years. From my 14 year old cousins death, my 21 year old brother’s death, his best friends death 3 months later, a good friend of mine 3 years later, my aunt just a few years later, etc…etc….I had just hoped that I would NEVER experience it ever again.
Watching my brother and he kids has been the most traumatic part. I am that person who wants to take everyone’s pain away. But I couldn’t, and still can’t. This is the worst part of grieving, is that you can stand beside someone during their darkest pain, butin the end they still have to walk their own journey alone.
You have to realize that it is ok to cry, it is ok to be sad, and it is ok to be mad.
It is so painful, and it is such a long journey. You have to be patient and realize that each day is a new day. Every morning the sun still comes up, and every night the sun still goes down. The difference is that with each passing day we learn to live differently. We carry their precious memories with us, we shed private tears, and we learn to live with our grief.
It has been 5 months now….
We are doing ok. To say life is back to normal would be a lie. We live a new life now. A life where we have banded so tight together, a life that we know it is ok to struggle and cry, and we have eachothers’ backs like no other. We watch each other closely, love each other immensely, and we know to cherish each and every moment that we have together.
There are everyday life struggles that we all have, and there are everyday struggles each that only those who have dealt with this type of pain have.
We make the best of each struggle we encounter, we count our blessings, we are grateful for one another, and we know that tomorrow is a new day. We hope each day that less tears are shed and that the heaviness of life will lift, and with each week it seems to a little.
This has been quite the journey. As you already know, I am a woman who believes that being positive, grateful, and aware of your thoughts will change your lives. I still believe this wholeheartedly, however, I must tell you there have been some true struggles with all of this lately.
I believe that this is meant to be part of my journey. The only thing I do not know is WHY? I just don’t have any answers to that question just yet.
When my little brother died in 2006, it took me a while to start looking inward and realize that I needed to start changing my journey. Looking back now, I see so many of the lessons that I learned, but it all took time. I know from my previous journeys, that I need to continue to plug on…each and every day…and put one foot in front of the other.
When the world seems to be weighing you down is when you learn the most. So, I keep moving on, learning, reading, crying, supporting others, trying to find my answer to some of life’s questions, and being grateful for every moment that I am alive.
It hasn’t been an easy journey, and it certainly hasn’t been pretty, but it is what we call life. There is much beauty in being able to understand this. In being able to be silent and be able to reflect on the events that have occurred in your life and being able to realize that through your struggles you have gained clarity on what and who you really want in your live. Who your real tribe is…
I continue on. Supporting and being their for my children, my husband, my brother, my parents, my niece, and my friends. I continue to love them and watch their every move to make sure that they are ok. Everyone grieves differently and everyone needs help from time to time. So this is now my journey.
However, if I am being transparent with you all, I have noticed that I am tired. I long to write you all and get more courses out to you all like I had planned on March 13th. However, I also know my heart has to be 100% into it for you all to benefit, and my heart has been elsewhere.
I have great days where I am ready to take on the world, and the next day something happens and I need to drop everything and go. That is OK. I just have to know that my duty is that right now, and it will shift again someday, hopefully soon.
This is where patience comes in. I am not patient at all, but learning to be.
However, I am realizing that I am losing steam, which is not normally who I am. So…that HAS to change! I know that I need to change things in my life, not only for me but for entire family and my friends.
What is next….
This is the best part of this whole post. What’s next? Just saying it makes me feel lighter and makes me feel happier.
What is next for me…is that I AM going to learn to take care of ME. I said it, take care of ME.
What the heck does that even mean? When you suffer so many tragedies and you start taking on the world, you quickly forget who YOU really are.
You get caught up in survival, which of course is important, but it is not who YOU really are or who you are supposed to be. We are all meant to thrive, even in our darkest hours.
So…I am on my journey to replenish ME, so that I can help others to do the same.
My whole purpose in this lifetime is to help others and I know that with ALL of my heart, however, how can you help others when you can’t even help yourself!
Have any of your ever gotten to this point? Does anyone else understand this? It seems crazy I know, but it is true! If your glass of water is empty, how can you pour water into their cup?
Good question, right?
What does this mean?
It means that I have been researching and learning how to fill my cup again. I know how to do it, however, things that have worked in the past are not working right now and I believe that it is because my energy is just too low.
Because of this, I have decided to put myself on my To-Do list for the next 6 weeks.
I want to reclaim my energy, my focus, my power, my love for life, and my HEALTH!!! By doing this every aspect of my life will start to change and flourish, I know this.
I am excited to see those changes within myself and I am sure that the people around me will be excited too!
What I embarking upon…
I am embarking upon some very new things that I will be excited to share with you all along the way.
If you are at all struggling, with anything, from loss, depression, anxiety, change, ANYTHING…some of these techniques may be able to help you too..
I will be sharing differents books, audio books, meditations, exercises, journals and all kinds of things with you over the next 6 weeks. If they help me, I will be sure to share in hopes that it can help you too!
This journey to rediscover myself and take my life back is not about getting skinny, this is all about my general health!
I want to be able to gain strength, have more energy to help others, be tone, healthy, gain clarity, and yes…get my CONFIDENCE back!
Because I want this so badly, and I know now more then ever I will need more support than normal to stay focused on my personal mission, I have partnered with ProjectMe.
What is ProjectMe? It is a program that helps make yourself and your health a priority. It helps you get to the core of it all, so that you are healthy enough to withstand all of life’s challenges. Which is exactly what I need right now in my life.
One of the things that I love most about ProjectMe is that this program includes nutrition and fitness support, as well as a supportive and motivating community, weekly educational meetings and continuous accountability.
All of the things that I need most in my life right now! Stability and support! What more could I ask for?
Where are you in life?
If you all have been following me, you know that my posts are always about gratitude, postivity, how to manifest what you want in life, and to always dream and dream BIG at that!
This is why this is such an important journey for me. Life has been heavy for the last 8 months, all of my energy stores have been depleted along the way and now I am craving the life I once had…
Who else feels this way? How many of you have suffered loss, or any type of challenges where you feel you have lost yourself?
How many moms out there are just dang exhausted? Do any of you give to EVERYONE except yourself? How many of you struggle to just have 5 minutes to yourself? Or what about dreams? Goals? Do you remember what you once used to want in life? Do any of you put yourself first?
Well, I am going to for the very first time EVER…..just so that I can be the person I need to be to help everyone from this point forward!
It is time to fill my cup…and it should be time to fill yours as well!
Naturally, this journey is going to be more successful the more support I create around myself!
If any of you are where I am in my life now, and you are ready to be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, have more energy, feel better, and you are ready to get your life back…I would love for you to start this journey with me.
I will be sharing my journey of what I am doing and WHY on a link on my website called ProjectMe, and I would absolutely love for you to join in too! It is easy and it is NECESSARY!
The kids are back in school and it is high time to start focusing on US! Right?
It is time to get our live’s back!
On Tuesday I will be doing a FB Live video on Project You & why it is so important to focus on yourself! YOU are worth it and it is SO important to spend time focusing on you! I am thrilled about this next several weeks, we deserve it and will be able to serve others better after we have filled ourselves up!
I am CHALLENGING ALL of YOU to start Project YOU! Join us daily for affirmations, new information, exercises, meditations, journaling, and so much more! Let’s do this TOGETHER!
I have several people that will be starting ProjectME with me here in Colorado, but it doesn’t matter where you live because all of our support is online! So….If you are interested in partnering with me on this journey, and you would like to the exact program you can click the link below to find out more information.
I want to remind you all, ProjectMe is different for everyone! For me, like I said before, this is all about making myself a priority. I want to gain strength, have more mental clarity, be as healthy as I can be, have more energy, regain my confidence, and get my zest for life back!
This is not all about weight loss for me! However, let me also say, that I wouldn’t mind losing about 15 lbs either! 😉
I would LOVE more then anything to be able to share this journey with you and alongside of you! Together we can become better and have the energy and confidence to help others better and fulfill our dreams.
I cannot wait to see you all on Tuesday! Make sure to take some time to think about yourself this weekend and remind yourself WHY you are worth starting this challenge for YOURSELF!
l be in touch with you all on Tuesday! I am so EXCITED!!!
Make sure to connect with The Giggling Life on FB, Twitter, and Instagram! If you are ready to take a few minutes each day to fill your cup then go ahead and connect with us here at The Giggling Life!
I am excited to start this journey with you all! Thank you again for your understanding, compassion, and patience throughout this year…..it is good to be back with you all! Much love to you and cheers to GETTING our LIVE’S BACK!
Thanks so stopping by! Much love to you all!